/blog > Humor

BNP_Paribas_London_Trading_Floor

Here’s an interesting headline: Regulators Ask Humans How to Deal With Robot Traders Looks like the robot takeover is proceeding exactly as we predicted. There are just a few little bumps in the road we have to look out for. The rules have, historically, been mostly about preventing people from ripping each other off in ways that were deemed unsporting (insider trading, outright fraud, etc.). Even this wasn’t always necessary: Plenty of unsporting practices have, historically, been punished not with CFTC sanctions but with everybody refusing to trade with you because you’re a jerk. But a market dominated by computers looks a bit different. They’re so fast, and they’re all programmed by like the same 12 guys using the same mathematical models, and they have no emotional intelligence. So much more so than with humans, there’s an alarming chance they’ll all think and do the same thing.** If that thing…

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gun2

Kid I’ve been in this marketing game for a long time and I’ve pretty much seen it all. So you had a promotional event. So some people got shot — look, it happens. The real issue here isn’t that people got shot. People expect to get shot. That’s why they call it a promotional event! But I think you want to work on the numbers. It’s a lot more special if only three or four people get hit. If you ask me, 20 is on the excessive side. But, hey, I’m old school.Read More…

hafid

Back when I first started this blog I write a piece about how difficult a bell can be to un-ring in the digital age because of the magnificent infrastructure we have created which enables information to persist. But transparency takes many forms, and it isn’t always the information itself that persists, so much as it is the infrastructure for capturing and relaying it. Nowhere is this better exemplified than in the case of the young woman whose iPhone was stolen from her on a beach in Spain. The thief has been making good use of her phone ever since, which she has been able to track because all of the photos taken on the phone are still going straight to her drop-box (oops.) Not one to waste this wonderful digital content that is coming her way, the phone’s original owner has started a unique blog over on Tumblr: Life of…

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adultsareugly

I know that’s harsh, but after looking at these 33 adults who recreated their childhood photos, what other conclusion can you come to? Out of the 33 there are maybe three where the grownups look almost as good as their childhood versions. Okay, before anyone says anything — yes that first one is kind of creepy and moderately NSFW so maybe I should have said something. (It’s also one of the few where the grownups look pretty good.) UPDATE: It occurs to me that this is the real tragedy of the whole “ugly baby” scenario. Unless the kid swims against the tide, that is probably the best he or she is ever going to look…Read More…

murdermyhusband

There is a lot to be learned from this hidden-camera video of a woman trying to hire a hit man (actually an undercover cop) to murder her husband. I’ve compiled a few tips for the would-be solicitor of a spouse-assassin: 1. Be Flexible At first she says it needs to be on Thursday, but then she re-thinks. Friday might work. Even Saturday is a possibility. And yes, she would much prefer that the killer do his deed outside of her home to avoid the mess (giggle.) But if it has to be done in her house, so be it. 2. Be Nice One of the sweetest moments in this video has to be where she explains how much easier this plan is than divorce because, among other things, she doesn’t want to break her husband’s heart. I’m sure I speak for all married men when I say yes, she has…

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boom

We all want to be good citizens. And in the age of heightened sensitivity, we know the rule is that if you see something, say something. But what about if you hear something? On the one hand, you might be lending aid to a neighbor in need. On the other hand, you don’t want to jump to any hasty conclusions about suspicious noises… Michigan Neighbor Calls 911 For Loud Noise That Turns Out To Be Farts A concerned neighbor called 911 to report what she feared was a domestic incident. She heard “a repeated loud noise” followed by a female voice yelling, “Stop! No!” The Michigan neighbor feared a woman was being hit. Police rushed to the scene. Clawson Police Chief Harry Anderson told WWJ Newsradio what the stink was about: “The female that was inside stated that her boyfriend had continued to pass gas, and she was yelling at…

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duckinsydney

Giant inflatable floating duck brings joy to Hong Kong. I like the duck — he’s cute and all. And it’s pretty cool that he’s so big. Still, I can’t imagine making up a weirder story than this. People talking about all the “joy” it brings, how it represents “freedom.” The artist bemoaning the fact that people can’t really “see” the duck when there are so many others looking. The whole thing is surreal. It’s like a piece from an alternate universe version of The Onion which is far more subtle and sophisticated than the one we have here. But no. It’s a news story. I don’t mean to suggest that I disapprove. If the duck brings people joy, I’m glad they got joy. We can’t have too much of that in the world. (Note that the accompanying photo is from the duck’s visit to Sydney, not the current Hong Kong…

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

It’s a shocker: Sex and alcohol make you happier than kids and religion, study finds Normally I would provide a blurb from the linked story, but the headline pretty much gets you there this time. The “story” itself is as vacuous as the heads of the individuals who made the decision to fund this research. Color me inspired: I am developing a theory that eating Snickers bars makes you happier than changing a flat tire. There are a lot of nuances, of course. Changing your own flat, or somebody else’s? That kind of thing. Anyway, that project will be rolling out as soon as I secure the $500,000 I need to get it going. Stay tuned.Read More…

alan

Sometimes we have to tackle the really important questions. For example, why is wildlife footage so funny with British voice-overs? (Maybe some of the Zapoint guys can help me understand.) I guess it would work if they had French accents, or Alabama accents, or Middle Eastern accents, or whatever — but they would have to be saying different things. And bottom line: it just wouldn’t be as funny.  Read More…

spiderman-clipart-4

Working to make the world more transparent can be fun and downright heroic. (Image via positiveatmosphere.com.) Everybody should give it a try! But be careful. While working on this post I encountered the following error message: Here’s a zoom on the message itself: Hey that’s the last thing we want to have happen!  Read More…